RU The Differences Between a First Marriage & a Second Marriage Discussion

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  1. DQ (Discussion Question) 12: Create your initial 250-300 word post on the DQ 12 Discussion Board in response to the following question(s). Your post must include examples and information from this week’s readings that help to explain and support your statement. It also must include at least two (2) in-text citations from your textbook or any of the other course material (e.g. lectures, videos, articles, etc.) covered throughout the week.
  • Discuss the differences between entering into a first marriage and beginning a second marriage. Consider the hopes, ideals, and excitement of both and how they differ, as well as the fears that each face.

1. When most individuals plan a wedding and get married, they plan on it being their first and last. When a divorce or separation becomes reality, it can be hard to see hope in another relationship ever again. When entering a first marriage most couples are excited to begin their life with their partner, have a family, a house and growing with your spouse. Although there is a ton of excitement that surrounds a marriage, there is also fear. Getting married whether it is the first, second, or even third time it can be scary to think about the future and what it holds for your marriage. There is the fear that something doesn’t work out or there are struggles that the relationship faces.

Entering a second marriage can be like seeing the light after a dark period of time in your life. There are still the same hopes and dreams as the first. Wanting love, being with your partner forever, starting or blending families, and growing as an individual from the past. But just like any relationship there are also fears and struggles to get through as well. Most second marriages occur around the feeling that “this time it will be different,” (Lecture 12 Slide 20). If a first marriage fails some individuals will go into the second one with the mindset that it will be better and they will be happier but that isn’t always true. According to the lecture it says, “second and third marriages don’t last as long as their first marriages,”(Lecture 12 Slide 21). I think this happens because there is so much pressure on the relationship, new partner and the individual themselves to make this marriage better than their previous one.

2. I believe one of the most significant differences between entering into a first marriage and beginning a second marriage is the experience. People beginning a second marriage will have more experience in a marriage relationship. Many of them would know what works and what does not work based on their previous relationship. However, this can be tricky because not all people are the same. According to the reading Remarriage Basics: Finding Love After a Divorce or the Death of a Spouse, “No two people are alike. And no two relationships are alike. So your remarriage will be unlike your previous marriage in many ways. There will be new routines to get used to and new ways of relating to your spouse. Depending on the state of your previous marriage, this can be a good thing or a bad thing” (Parade, 2018).

I think both entering the first marriage and beginning a second marriage involve excitement, hopes, and ideals. In both cases, couples may think they found their soul mate and a person they can trust. While entering into the first marriage, couples might think they will live with this partner for the rest of their lives and start planning goals to achieve together. While entering a second marriage, couples might be more conscious that the marriage could end due to different factors.

In each case, couples may experience different fears and/or challenges. For instance, according to the same reading mentioned above, people entering into a remarriage “may be looking to re-enact their previous, happy marriage or replace their deceased spouse with the new spouse. Obviously, this won’t work, and it’s hardly fair to the new spouse to expect him or her to fill a role that someone else once played” (Parade, 2018). They may also think about and fear all the bad experiences they had in their previous marriage, and bring their emotional baggage into the new partnership.

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